The Perfect Date for You
Divorce has a way of sapping self-confidence and leaving self-doubt in its place. Even if the divorce was the right decision for you, that doesn’t mean you won’t feel anxious or lonely afterward. And then comes Valentine’s Day trying to convince you that everyone else is loved.
What are you going to do about it?
Take yourself on a date, that’s what.
The best thing about dating yourself for Valentine’s Day is that you get to choose every aspect of your night on the town. No compromising on the restaurant or movie! Instead, craft your perfect date. Maybe that means hitting up a winery in the afternoon, grabbing a table at your favorite restaurant, and then strolling along the beach to watch the sunset. Or, maybe it means hitting the trail for a relaxing jog, playing your favorite videogame for hours, and getting delicious takeout.
Whatever would make for a fantastic date is exactly what you are going to do.
How to Enjoy Your Date with Yourself
The key to dating yourself for Valentine’s Day is to work toward feeling comfortable in your own company. You may feel nervous about going to a movie by yourself but stick with it. Expect to feel a little awkward, at least at first, but eventually, these feelings of discomfort will fade as you realize no one else cares that you are by yourself. They have their own lives to worry about.
During your date, work on self-love by reminding yourself of all your best qualities. Bring a notebook and journal. Make a list of the challenges you have overcome recently (how about getting out of an unhappy marriage). Give yourself the same compassion and kindness that you would give to your best friends.
If you feel negative thoughts or worries trying to intrude on your date, push them away and refocus on living in the moment and appreciating yourself.
Ending Your Valentine’s Date
Don’t be afraid to add a little spontaneity to your date. That’s part of what makes them so fun! If you feel like treating yourself to ice cream, go for it! Or maybe the perfect end of your date involves cozy flannel pajamas, a bottle of wine, and your fav rom-com (the one you pretend you hate if anyone asks).
As your date comes to a close, it’s time to say those big three words. I love me. One marriage doesn’t define who you are, and it doesn’t mean you are unloved. You can never be unloved if you love yourself.
Now that’s a great Valentine’s Day!
Valentine’s Day Options
- Buy Yourself Flowers
Flowers can brighten up even the worst moods and add a little color to your day, so stop by the local flower shop and pick out a bouquet of your favorites. Put them in your kitchen or on the dining room table as a reminder that you are totally going to own Valentine’s Day!
- Call Your Best Friend
No one can make you feel better like your very best friend in the world. Ask her for a little time on Valentine’s Day, and of course she’ll say yes. Your best friend will remind you of how awesome you are.
- Go Out For Drinks with Single Co-Workers
Let it be known that this Valentine’s Day will be ladies night. Take back this “couples holiday” and turn it into a fun hangout session with your work pals. Over delicious Cosmopolitans you can share dating nightmares, or even take all conversation about men off the table. Not a bad way to make new friends and build office camaraderie.
- Hit the Gym
Oh yeah, work up a sweat and get those endorphins going. You won’t feel like a sad sack as you run down miles on the treadmill or shake what your mamma gave you during Zumba. Exercise is a great way to get out anger and frustration and to empower your soul and body!
- Watch an Action Flick
Steer clear of the sappy romances tonight, and instead go for explosions, manly grunting, and…more explosions. Action flicks are a time-honored way to distract oneself. They don’t take much thought, and it’s nice to know that the good guy will win in the end.
- Pamper Yourself at the Spa
Who needs your ex to give you an awkward foot massage when you can have a professional work out all those knots? Love yourself with a pampering trip to the spa. After the seaweed wrap, hot stone massage, and facial, you will be one gorgeous and relaxed lady.
- Go On a Date With Your Kids
It only takes one look at your children to remember that your marriage wasn’t a total waste. You don’t even have time to feel sorry for yourself when you’ve got these little miracles in your life. Take them out for a day at the park, a movie, or a dinner at their favorite restaurant, and their smiles will light up your heavy heart.
- Cozy Up With a Good Book
Maybe you don’t have the energy for some big, symbolic act this Valentine’s Day. That’s fine. Instead, escape into the pages of your favorite book. Some time spent away from reality might just be the break you need to get through Valentine’s Day.
- Splurge On Something You’ve Been Dying to Buy
Is it those shoes that were just a little out of your price range? How about those tickets to the symphony you felt were a splurge? Heck, just go big with the car of your dreams! If you’ve finally found the power to get out of a bad marriage, you need to reward yourself! Show this Valentine Day who’s boss by treating yourself to a fun splurge – big or small – and create a new Valentine’s Day tradition.
- Write Yourself a Love Letter
This Valentine’s Day is all about you. No matter how much your heart is hurting, you know that you are an amazing, beautiful woman who is worthy of love. Tell this to yourself with a true, honest love letter to yourself. Remind yourself of all your strengths, all that you have accomplished, and all that you have to give to the world. You’ll feel so much better afterwards, and this will be a great keepsake to read on Valentine’s Day next year.
Remember, Valentine’s Day is just another day unless you give it the power to bring you down. Just because you don’t have romantic love in your life at the moment doesn’t mean you don’t have any love. Let Valentine’s Day become a day of self-love! Visit our divorce article archives at WIFE.org for even more advice on how to thrive during and after your divorce.
Valentine’s Day can be an absolute bummer after a divorce. All those heart-shaped balloons in the grocery store, the jewelry commercials on TV, and the sappy messages littering your social media feeds serve as a continuous reminder of what you don’t have. Don’t let Valentine’s Day make you feel like the only single person in the world. Instead of hiding away at home and shunning all social media, turn Valentine’s Day into a celebration of love for the person who truly matters… you!
It’s time to take back Valentine’s Day by going on a date with yourself.